Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
