There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
