i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Fuck appropriateness.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
