broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dicks are not precious.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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