it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
