I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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