I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
