just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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