I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
