Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
