addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
