3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
