You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
