she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
