if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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