Please, let me fuck your mom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
