you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
