in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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