how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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