I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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