I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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