If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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