How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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