I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
