The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
