i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
