and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
