She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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