Whod you bang
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
