I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
