this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
