update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
