No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
