It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."