Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.