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her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
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