Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later