I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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