Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days