Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
