He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
