Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
