STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
