dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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