mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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