I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
