Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
