So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
