The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
