I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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