My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
