Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
