I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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