I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
