I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
