I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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