i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
