You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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