I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm determined to sit on that face.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
