We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
