I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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