Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
