In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
