Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
