Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize