OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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