u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
