Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
