Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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