so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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