On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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