she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's paint friendship bongs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
