So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
